Please Bring Back Sarah Huckaby Sanders

Once again I tried to listen to the Trump (who I call POUTS) almost daily press conference where he gets to spread fear, contempt and anxiety about the COVID-19 crisis. Tried. Turned it off. Waited. Turned on the news channel again and he was still there. Decided to try the classical music station and HE WAS STILL ON MY RADIO!

Turned off the radio. Had an ice cream sandwich for breakfast, and not a good one at that. Its bad when your nation’s leader drives you to eat bad junk food for breakfast.

Oh, and let me apologize to any one who is truly a “leader” as opposed to our reality television producer/failed casino owner/self-admitted sexual harasser and someone who should never, ever, ever be allowed to dress himself in anything resembling white tie and tails. He should also not be allowed to speak in public without a pre-recorded statement to which he can lip-synch accordingly, or not.

I gave up listening to this morning’s episode of “Verbal Carnage: Part Ad Nauseum” when once again, the BIC (blithering idiot in chief) took off on his favorite subject “bad reporters”. Again. Look I am pretty sure that Chuck Barris is dead, but does anyone still have the hook?

FDR and Jimmy Carter had their kitschy little fireside chat moments. Lyndon Johnson would go on television intoning the words “Mah Fella Amuricans…” I don’t even dare try to recollect the calm measured tones of Barack Obama. I am now at the point where the words “and now an address by the President of the United States…” is the cue to grab the Xanax, and take the whole bottle, in one gulp even.

So, my point is this: Dear Sarah Huckaby Sanders. I wholly and totally regret every bad or mean thing I have ever thought or said about you while you were the White House Press Secretary. This is my whole-hearted apology. Please, call and let the orange one know you would like your job back. Consider this to be a civic calling, a holy one if you will.

Signed,

The Association of Guardian Angels and Other Sources of Benevolence

Veteran Cat Servant

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